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    August 03

    忽觉春回肺腑,一番心上温黁 -- 寱词

    某类文字,尤其是某类诗,本就以心传心,不堪达诂的;如同笑话,解释不得。境相应了,一下子就入心,会意;否则,都是口头彩。

    小时候喜欢李商隐的那些谜语一般的诗,为文字的美丽而着迷。譬如《锦瑟》之类,文字太绚丽,分神;如一只精致的手,看客的目光都在手指上,更看不清手指指向何处。等到渐渐能看懂一些了,却巴不得永远不懂。

    比如说龚自珍乙亥杂诗中的寱词三十三首 -- 一生可以一瞬啊。

    笼统了看,自乙亥年间龚自珍与灵箫相遇,到转年为其赎身,再经年,便猝死,也算死得其时吧。免得日后被他的二鬼子儿子给气死(龚的儿子龚橙,便是引英军入圆明园劫掠的翻译官,号半伦 -- 即自讽于人伦中,无君臣父子夫妻兄弟朋友之义,只爱一小妾,五伦中仅余半伦 -- 晚年传以“狂”死)。细看,乙亥九月二十五日至十月六日,那十日,便是一生。生,住,异,灭,历历在目。心灭处,生死已隔,只是观众们尚未尽兴 -- 故好事者甚至传其与灵萧殉情而死 -- 这倒成全了吊在半空的围观群众。

    其实,“一番心上温黁过”,既已“过”去,又何必 jjww 了后面那三十首?抓得住的,还叫做“过去”么?“虚空云何随汝执捉?”“寱,瞑言也。”

    凡生,必有死,想他一开始就已清楚;凡死,必有生,何妨鼓盆而歌?


    故,每天都是新的,无论你是否 ready。

    “书竟,忽觉春回肺腑,掷笔拏舟回吴门矣。

    以附记为附记:

    十月十日,最后一首于舟中寄出。“顺河道中再奉记,仍敬谢之,从此不复为此人有诗矣。寄此诗是十月十日也。越两月,从北回,重到袁浦,问讯其人,已归苏州闭门谢客矣。其出处心迹亦有不可测者。附记于此。”

    又附记:有学者由“从此不复为此人有诗矣”,断言两人从此决绝;又因“
    忽觉春回肺腑”,便说两人重续旧情。眼浅如此,一笑。


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